“We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.”
Tom robbins
Love—the grand, elusive idea that we all chase, whether through swiping on dating apps, the tradition of arranged marriages, or that feeling of having butterflies after an accidental eye contact at a bookstore. But here’s a thought: Are we destined to find someone perfectly designed to match or complement our quirks and flaws, or is love something we must continuously build- crafting it like a fine art?
For centuries, arranged marriages have thrived on the idea that love is built, not found. Given their surprisingly high success rates, perhaps there’s some truth to this. The idea that two people, once paired, must learn, adapt, and grow together is compelling. After all, even love marriages require constant adjustments as we pass through different phases of life. But then there’s the other side—the romantic ideal that somewhere out there exists a soulmate who would fit us perfectly, like a glove. And when we find them, everything will start making sense…
So, which is it? A connection made in heaven or a commitment that requires continuous evolution?
The Fairytale vs. The Reality
Bollywood romances have conditioned us to believe in “The One”—that effortless, cosmic bond where everything just falls into place. Like in Karan Johar movies- soft music plays, the wind blows, and time seems to stand still… Unfortunately, in reality, relationships are all about hard work and effort. Love is the courage to stand by your partner even at their worst. After all, even the most perfectly matched couples experience conflicts, differences, and growing pains. It’s all a process of growing up and discovering each other together.
So maybe the question isn’t, “Is there someone perfect for me?” But rather, “Am I willing to work at love the way I work at everything else?”
Consider this: We generally push ourselves to improve our careers, fitness, and personal growth—then how are relationships different? Love isn’t about finding someone who checks every box; that’s just impossible. It’s about meeting someone with imperfections you can embrace while continuously striving to be a better partner. Like Seema Aunty from Indian Matchmaking says… “Thoda to adjust karna padega.”
Love as a Practice, Not Just a Feeling
“A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities. Second, respecting the differences.” — Unknown
We often assume of love as just an emotion—a rush of feelings that happen on their own, or a biological process involving hormones. But love is a practice—one that requires patience, empathy, self-awareness, and commitment. Love as a practice shifts the narrative from what you ‘feel’ to what ‘efforts’ you are willing to put in. Thus, shifting from seeking perfection to mastering love:
- Accept flaws as a package: No one is without quirks, and the beauty of love lies in navigating them together
- Commit to growth: Instead of expecting your partner to stay the same, embrace the changes in both of you. Understand that love is about accepting and seeing each other grow.
- Work without expectation: Love flourishes when we give without constantly measuring what we receive in return
- Recognize effort over fantasy: A real connection isn’t about grand romantic gestures; it’s about everyday kindness, respect, and patience—and brownie points for doing the dishes!
- Remember, you’re a team: There’s shouldn’t be any winner or loser when you’re on the same side. Disagreements are simply part of learning how to love better
- Just listen. Most relationship problems aren’t about lacking solutions—they stem from not feeling truly heard.
So, Is Love Meant to Be or Meant to Be Built?
It seems safe to say, love lies somewhere in between. Perhaps there’s a natural pull toward certain people—those who resemble with our energy, values, and outlook on life. But even with the right match, the real magic lies in what we do after we find them.
So instead of asking, “Is there someone out there made just for me?”, maybe we should ask, “How can I love better, deeper, and more authentically?” Love shouldn’t be about how you “feel” for someone but about how willing you are to make their life better.
Because at the end of it all, it’s not about finding a perfect love—it’s about creating one.
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Insightful